On Compassion

Day 48: #DailyWritingChallenge

Just yesterday, someone asked me what I thought my positive qualities are and I really struggled to articulate them. If, however, I was asked what someone else’s positive qualities are, I would find it easier to list them.

I have always held myself to high standards and I think this derives from my tendency to want to be perfect at everything. If I don’t know something, I will do everything and anything to learn and find out. If I’m not skilled at something, I will work 10 times harder to become skilled at it to maintain my own standards and notions of perfection.

Well, last week Jaz Ampaw- Farr told me very bluntly (thank you Jaz) that it was selfish to aim for perfection because it meant that I was self preserving. It struck a chord, not least because selfish isn’t honestly a word I would associate with myself. I guess this desire to be perfect means that people didn’t see the best of me with all my flaws and vulnerability. By trying to be perfect, I guess I am keeping up this wall and perhaps even a facade. No one is perfect after all.

Why? Because perfection is unsustainable. Continuing in this way has led to exhaustion and shows my lack of self compassion. If someone I mentored or coached told me about this tendency, I would have been far more empathetic and compassionate towards them. Why am I not like this with myself then?

I have made a pledge be as kind to myself as I try to be with others. I have made a pledge to be as compassionate towards myself as I try to be with others. I have made a pledge to accept myself with my strengths and flaws just as I do with others.